You know when you do try your hardest to be all you can? Then unfortunately it just isn’t enough for someone? Well I had that bout, it seems today. I swear I try… yet to some it doesn’t get through as my all. I mean or do things that aren’t my intentions; my words get strung around to dictate something I don’t intend. Sometimes I wish I was perfect and could fix all the pain, hurt and torment. I’m not. I can’t. I can only do what I can at its’ best and hopefully be appreciated for it.

I love my girl dearly, there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for her if she asked it of me. Regrettably, we had this bout it seemed from about 10PM to 12AM this morning. I’m hurting right now. I am not one to argue and fight with a spouse. It’s pointless and leaves pain. Now I can only imagine what she is doing or if she went out or what the hell is up… it’s not a comfortable feeling. I think our biggest obstacle is for us to get a place of our own; being with one another in our own territory. Her having to drive way out here to my mom’s or vice versa is stressful and a kick in the butt. Along with the rising gas prices too! Joy…

Though we talked on the phone for about an hour and a half it was full of spite and arguing… doubting in each other? This isn’t the relationship I want. That isn’t what my heart desires. I desire my kind loving sweetheart I know. I do know she has been all stressed out at work with the complete bullshit they are putting her through. I can’t change that though baby; and being angry at me about it won’t help.

I tried to sleep tonight… I actually turned everything off after I got off the phone and laid in the pitch dark… staring into nothing, wondering why I could’ve caused such pain. The solution? I only want to be happy with her… she has been a real angel for me…

We’ll shine soon.. I know it will.